It's My Time To Shine.*

Monday, July 27, 2009

If you can't go anywhere else, you can always go home.

Today started out horrific. Reading 'New Moon' again really (excuse the cliche) opens up the hole in my heart that Patrick used to occupy. I dreamed about an ex-boyfriend, I dreamed about Patrick AND I dreamed about an old childhood sweetheart-type crush/BFF. I woke up with a complete sense of loneliness and vulnerability.
There's those days when u wake up & just want a hug & some platonic interaction w the male species... & that's ur emo Jessica for the day... so days like this are the days that I really miss Patrick & these are the days that start out w tears.
It was an emo kind of morning while getting ready. To top it off, I was welcomed to work by a huge fucking mess left by the doctor from over the weekend - computers turned completely off, server down, systems not working properly, my papers and things I had set from Friday askew and some missing. It was a lovely morning to say the least - "Happy Monday!" /sarcasm. 11:30a rolled around and my cell rang. I didn't recognize the number but I'd been expecting a call for over a week. It was George, my old boss. He called to let me know that they had my old position just open back up and to let him know if I was interested. Well DUH. So now I'll be working full-time at the doctor's office and back to my part-time supervisor job in retail. When I walked in today to go do my paperwork for re-hire it just felt right.
It felt like home.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

So I may or may not have actually let a few tears fall on the plane home on Tuesday.

I have no clue where it came from, but out of nowhere I got to thinking -

I'm going home; back to my mundane and boring life and back to a job that I really fucking hate. I'm going home; back to living a life that has no real direction as of late.

Then I got to thinking about Rob and all that has come of his life when he was also feeling as though he was headed in no real direction. It boggles my mind how luck can just fall into some people's lap. Then, of course, I got to thinking of how I spend way too much time thinking about Rob and relating everything back to Rob. It's sick. I mean, really, when I sat back and thought about it - because I had no other choice sitting in my 2x2 seat next to the window for 5 hours - it's sick. It really made me open my eyes and see how empty and void of meaning my life is at this point. It's just sad.

I need something in my life; I know that.
What I don't know is what that 'something' is...
and therein lies the point of my blog subtitle.

Figuring it all out, one day at a time; just learning how to be.